Let me tell you about the creepy crawly night i had.

I slept like a baby last night after a really long time, at peace with the world. At least, i did till 3:30 a.m this morning. Which is when i felt a touch as light as feather on my right toe. Now this unbelievable phenomenon woke me up for two reasons: a) i sleep alone on a really tiny bed, so there's no chance that some man was feeling amorous at a godforsaken hour in the morning; and b) this fleeting touch was soon followed by a vigorous flapping of Geranium petal-sized wings.

I didn't feel scared, just irritated that my long-awaited peaceful sleep (those medicines the doc gave me must have really worked) should be disturbed by some stupid insect - which by the time i woke up fully, realised was a flying cockroach - that was fluttering around in my room. So i reached overhead for the K750i (no, it's not an insect repellant or a little gun designed to shoot at unsuspecting insects) and switched it to torch mode, to figure out where the cockroach had landed. There it was, crawling over the posters from college kept on top of the Godrej cupboard.

I did have the option of throwing the duvet over my head to stay cocooned and protected from the cockroach's prying antennae and hairy feet, but it was hot as Dante's Inferno. Reluctantly enough, i got out of bed to play the part of Death. And what an unglamorous role it was - with my phone in one hand throwing light on the spot where the cockroach was and a hawaii chappal in the other, i reached out slowly, carefully, waiting for the right moment to strike it.

Now... now... now... WHAM! I switched on the light in my room, took the limp little blackish-brown body, wrapped it in layers and layers of plastic bags and threw it in the kitchen dustbin so the sounds of its struggle to free itself wouldn't disturb my sleep. I even went so far as to go to the loo so i wouldn't have to get out of bed again.

Sighing, half-smiling in anticipation of some more hours of blissful sleep, i headed back to bed. Just to play it safe though, i left the light still switched on so i could check for other creatures hiding in the dents and crevices of my pillow and duvet before i settled in. And voila! I see Miss Charlotte dangling comfortably from her web halfway to my bed.

Now, i hate spiders more than anything else in the world. So even if it meant i would lose a few more minutes of sleep in trying to get rid of it, i would do it. And i did. Finally, throwing my duvet to the side, i melted into the groove of the mattress that was still warm from my hours in it, and hafl-closed my eyes. I could see flashes of lightning through the window in my parents' room across mine. I could hear the wind whooshing through the champak trees on the street outside. I could hear a dog yelping softly, a car zipping on the main road, the vigorous flapping of Geranium petal-sized wings in my room...

Bloody hell. There was no chance that stupid cockroach could've escaped my little trapping device so easily so fast, and this flapping was stronger. Which meant that another cockroach had adroitly found its way into my room. On came the torchlight again, up came the hawaii chappal in my hand. I searched for a minute, couldn't find the pest, admitted defeat and pulled my duvet up to my head. The cockroach could go soak its head somewhere.

I settled down immediately of course, but my brain didn't. So like a typical junkie suffering from hypochondriasis, i imagined tiny little creepy crawlies running marathons and relay races all over me. And i was left tossing restlessly in bed till 6:00 a.m. Like people count sheep to fall asleep, i tried hard to count the seconds that lapsed between each lightning strike showing in my parents' room. Nothing. I was as wide awake as an owl on caffeine. Then i tried scaring myself to sleep, imagining ghosts moving in the dark; instead ending up imagining ghosts of all the cockroaches and spiders and rats and what-nots taking their revenge by crawling all over me. Basically, i was back to being sleepless.

Approximately 30 minutes after i managed to fall asleep, i was woken up again by the sound of my alarm going off. Every nine minutes, at that. Just about enough time to let me fall asleep and jar me awake immediately.

Boy, what a bad night. I was left wondering this morning, as i got ready for work, if it wasn't a sign from God about my past life, or worse still, my future reincarnation. I'm not even considering it to be symbolic of the present, because i'm a bitch in my present life, not a pest that wakes people up from deep sleep and makes life miserable. (No, we're not going to go into the calls i make to people i know at bizarre hours after i'm fully high and happy.)