Apparently, not everything that spills forth from my mouth is verbal garbage.

Lately, i've been doing a lot of talking. Not at work, but outside of it. And not the oratory, but the advisory types. And it's not dotted with Assholes, sprinkled with Maaki and Bhenki gaalis, or even doused in a generous dressing of Fucks.

I've been spewing so much gyaan and emotionally intelligent sounding stuff that sometimes i think back and am amazed at how i came up with all that junk. It's true, life can teach you a lot of things and all that, but it's got to be one heck of an experience after another to be able to dole out so much, so much, so so much to people, helping them get their lives back on track. And i can assure you, my experiences are the same as those that happen to the average person - nothing out of the usual. (Wait, maybe a fling in the late teens with a going-through-divorce guy 19 years older might just about qualify as extraordinary.)

What must be different, is what i picked up from those experiences. Because suddenly, when i talk these days, i can see ears pricking up, waiting to trap every word i utter and eagerly trasnfer it to that part of the brain responsible for cognisance. And trust you me, they're heeding my words of wisdom.
Example 1: Friend going through shit with some guy she's totally in love with but who's married and has been caught by his wife chatting steamily with said friend. Shit has hit the roof blah blah blah, and now she blames herself for everything going wrong. Long story short, the point at which this whole mess is, she's not responsible for. And i told her that. And i fed her stuff to tell him. And she did. And now, everything's fine. Except for her broken heart, but hey, that's not something her intact self-respect can't help overcome.
Example 2: Yet another marriage gone terribly wrong - no love left between the two, guy pretending that nothing's wrong, girl freaking out that her parents will withdraw their support for her decision of ending it and all that. More than two hours of convincing later, i find her to be an emotionally stronger person who will only take so much from people and show her middle finger the rest of the way.

And so the stories go. Another friend who's sort of seeing this guy and cannot for the life of her hide anything from him, tells me that he asks for my opinion (yes! as in, "So, what does Nabila think about that?") on almost all things pertaining to them.

I can't decide on whether this is a good thing or not. Somehow, typing it all out makes me sound like an old maiden who can't do any better for her life than dish out stuff for people in need. And then i think that's it not true, because i can be ruthless and brutally honest. Correction, i am ruthless and brutally honest. And most times, i guess that's what intelligent people in trouble want to hear. They want to be shaken out of their stupor of helplessness and self-pity, given a sound smack on their tushes and pointed in the right direction.

*Sigh*

Whatever. Maybe i should just come with a Statutory Warning label:

CAUTION!

SUGAR-COATED ASPIRIN

Prescription Medicine Only.

To be consumed with discretion.

(P.S: A friend actually labelled me that 11 years ago. Seems like this thing goes way back into the past.)

Making sense of Life.

Everyone around me is going through major upheavals in their respective lives. I'm just stressing out on Boy and where he is and all that, which is a speck of trouble compared to the oceans of dirt my friends and family are having to fight.

Yesterday, when one friend's problems collided into each other head-on and she couldn't take it, i saw her break down like i have never before. And it struck me then: what's the purpose of life anyway? We are all born, and then we all die. Each and every one of us, we all meet the same end. So why, if our patterns are so set, do we have to deal with so much shit? Why experience love, lust, endure longing, heartbreaks, pain, deaths, sarcasm, politics - the works? What's the purpose of it all? Nothing. Zero.

And that's what i thought till another thing dawned on me - that we are all, after we die, going to be judged on how we have lived, and how we have dealt with whatever comes our way. And that's the bloody reason why we go through so many things in our life - because it will help God judge us, catalogue us. Like being judged when we were alive wasn't enough. And i think that's just sad, because what happens once we are judged and are sent our way, to either Heaven or Hell? What then? It still makes life purposeless, doesn't it? What happens to 'man being the most complex living being' and 'the remarkable evolution of thought and form and intellect and skill'? What happens to our pointless existence?

It's all just one big game, i tell you. One big extravaganza. Shakespeare was not a floosy after all. All the world's a stage, and all the men and women mere players...

Catching up on movies.

Now that the laptop has become a part of my everyday life, i'm watching movies with a vengeance. The DVD player's fixed as well, but parents are monopolising it with their back-to-back serials and reality shows. So anyway, here's a list of the ones i've managed to see so far:

Paranormal Activity - watched it just yesterday. V put me in mortal fear of the movie by just narrating the story, and the scary bits, months ago. So i was sort of disappointed when i finally saw it and it didn't seem so terrifying. Except maybe that bit where she gets dragged out of bed.
The disappointment could've been because i watched the movie... in broad daylight. (I'm a wuss, yeah!)

Up in the air - poetic justice of sorts. I liked the movie, liked the way it was made. Although when he lands in Chicago, did most people instinctively know like i did that she would be married? (Oh, spoiler alert.)

Hurt Locker - I can understand why it won Best Movie, but seriously, do we have to overdo the 'American soldiers only fight because they have to, and deep inside are really kid-loving, death-respecting individuals' bit? And by the way, i still don't know how the movie ends. The DVD refused to play all the way.

Julie & Julia - Loved it. It's real, traverses time and stitches it together beautifully, and it's got food. What more could one ask for? Oh, and i hate, hate Meryl Streep's accent in the movie.

The Ugly Truth - I watched it a second time. And i still like it just as much.

Mirrors - Iranian. Simple. Sweet.

Ratatouille - Aww. And food again!

And that's that so far. Lined up for tomorrow are The Blind Side, Defiance (yeah, after dreaming of The Craig this morning i gotta see it quick), The Bucket List, A Serious Man and maybe My Sister's Keeper. Or 500 Days of Summer. Hmm...

No, i still haven't watched Avatar.

It's not fair.

Not fair that when i travel the roads at night with the windows down and soft music playing in the background, the street lamps casting their yellow glow over everything they touch, that i remember you. Remember us. It's not fair that i have to live with these memories day in and day out, while you... I don't even know what you're up to. Don't know if you think the same things, feel the same way when the ambience around you plays out the same parody.

It's not fair that it ended. Because there hasn't been a moment, right up to this very one, when i haven't thought of you. Today was a good day, though - i didn't let my mind stray in your direction till late in the evening.

So. Wherever you are. I miss you. And i wish for something more than just that.

My latest obsession? And i mean, my latest?

Armando Christian Perez. Aka Pitbull. The one who gave the dancing world numbers like I know you want me and Krazy. The firs time i saw him was in his video a couple of months back. I found him - how does one say it - cocky? But in a nice way. Attitude, that's what i liked about him.

But today was different. Some psycho little neuron in my brain fired up, and i found myself lusting after him so bad that i kept him on loop on youtube all day, behaving like a madwoman at my desk. He's what i want my dreamboat (Thank you, Archies) to look like.

(Please hold on while i clean up the drool all over the laptop.)

I don't know what it is that gets me so worked up about him, but dear God in Heaven, everytime i lay my eyes on him i lick my lips like a bloody cat who's just spotted a goldfish bowl with a really wide rim. I haven't had this sort of obsession since Aladdin! (That was in 7th Grade people.)

Anyway, after all these years, my softboard at work is going to have his picture soon. Because that's how much i'm in love with him right now.