From the other side.

So right now, i'm at a tiny little coffee shop that serves delicious food. I'm here for a late lunch. Alone. But i'm not really alone because i have a very interesting conversation happening at the next table keeping me company.

An affair. Man is married. Woman has a daughter. Woman's upset about man's wife and him not spending time with her. Man's upset about some letter the woman's daughter wrote to him. Man's saying: "Even your daughter thinks that, so maybe i'm not worthy of you." Woman's saying: "I can't believe you're saying you want to break up with me. What will i do? Where will i go?" And man's saying that he wanted to break up in a fit of anger, because he was upset with woman and something she'd done (i can't figure out what) and so he thought he should break up. Of course, it's turning out that the man's wife is getting to know about this.

And so the conversation is going on.

Some of this is familiar territory. I've been there before. I've been the woman. I can tell what she's thinking, i can speak her words before she does. But thank goodness that's a part of a past that's so long gone that it's starting to get blurry. Still, this is so bizarre.

Maybe there's a reason i'm hearing this. Maybe i should walk over to their table and tell the woman, "Get out. He's never going to leave her." Maybe i should tell the man to grow some balls, man up and do the right thing. Or just leave her if he's going to treat her like a piece of shite.

Maybe some day they'll both be sitting together, or alone, and listening in on a similar conversation between somebody else.

Sigh. Life, i tell you. I'm off now to go and look this guy up on facebook because i'm curious. (Yes, i heard his name. And no, i'm not ashamed of eavesdropping.)

Oh well.

December's come and almost gone, the entire year's wasted away and i'm still left with a flourishing paunch and a whole lot of fat.

I paid through my nose for a gym membership. I tried kickboxing. I checked my thyoid levels over and over. Still no luck.

I don't enjoy gymming. I hate it. I find it pointless, and unnecessarily excruciating. Yes, one sees results, but gosh, do i have to go through all that torture to see them? Moan and groan and exhaust myself?

It's not like it's a new realisation. I've known that i don't enjoy gymming forever now. I enjoyed kickboxing, but it didn't become addictive enough. I like swimming. I like dancing. I enjoy the stillness of the mind that Yoga offers. But i just haven't been able to find any of those in places that are accessible.

So here i am, looking at all the pretty faces around me, knowing that i can be one too - if only i could get rid of all that rubbish and yeah, change my eating habits - but lazy and unable to do anything about it.

I lack discipline. And motivation. Ugh.

It's messing with my head. Not liking. Not liking at all.