Some day i'm going to make all of you stand in a line...

... under enormous spotlights, and ask you the questions you would have dreaded all your life:
Why did you do it to me? Why was it so easy for you? Why did it have to be me that you got selfish with and decided to forsake? Was i not worth any effort at all?

And then i'm going to cry. Like a banshee. Just to show you how terribly you broke my heart, and carried parts of it when you all went away, leaving me incomplete.

Gibberish.

Blah blah urk ick eeyugh mwah sssss meow wooff woof aaaarrrrrr ah ah ah khaak ptuii urp ugh hic hic hic hic hic hic hic hic eenhaaw eenhaaw.

Bleagh burrr bvak feeeeeeee blink blink blink blink flip flop hmm mmm mmm hmmm mmmm la la la la la la.

Sip sip slurp slurp gluglugluglugluglugluggggg! Aaaaah! Shake shake ha ha ha ha, mmmf pffffft prrrrrrr!

Ummm....drrrr drrrrr zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz...

Everything that could go wrong yesterday, went wrong.

I got back from my shoot last morning and landed straight into deep shit.

Got into a civil skirmish with one of my writers.

Got into TVCs directly, something i'm still trying to get a hang of.

Pending work just came crashing in, and i realised that a lot of stuff has been going out without my seeing it.

Went for dance class, and as is usual these days, was a disaster at it. Missing the previous two classes didn't help at all. Besides, all the women were grooving and shaking so well that i felt extremely intimidated. And i was wearing uncomfortable clothes for the dance.

My weight reads 75. 75!!! That just got me extremely, extremely depressed.

All in all, by the end of the day yesterday, i wanted to burst into tears. A mixture of self pity and exhaustion and self-recrimination.

I hope it gets better.

Hypocrisy.

March 1998:
Him: "I'm 20 years old, and you're just 14. I can't do this to you."
Me: "Do what?"
Him: "I can't let this happen."
Me: "When has love ever been about age? Think about it this way, when i'm 20, you'll be 26. Only!"

December 2002:
Him 1: "F***. I'm 19 years older. Old enough to be your father. I can't be seeing you."
Me: "But i don't have a problem with it! It isn't about the age, it never is! Stop thinking that way!"

April 2009:
He Who Cannot Be Named: "We intend to get married in a couple of years."
Me: " "
Me (sleuthing sleuthing sleuthing...Aha...Wha?!!!!)
Me: "She's bluddy 23! You bluddy cradle snatcher!"

Tch tch. I'm beyond repair.

I love Instant Messaging.

Being pissed with someone doesn't mean being pissed with someone. Nastiness doesn't seem like nastiness, disappointment doesn't seem like disppointment. On IM, even heartbreaks don't seem like heartbreaks. That's what i like about it. You can just smiley emoticon, grin emoticon, laugh-out-loud emoticon the pain away. Thank God for all the geeky intelligence in the world.

And damn men.