Some, like today, are difficult to get through.
The past comes back to haunt me occasionally and i end up thinking of you. Of her. I wonder what part of our conversations has been lies and what, the truth. I think about why i feel like you did things to show that i was going cuckoo in my head. That i was fabricating events and dialogues and situations. I think about why you lied. So much.
I hate her still. That hasn't changed, and it's not likely to. Maybe some day, i will be indifferent to her presence, but for now, there's a whole lot of negative emotion that wells up in me at the sight of her. Somehow, you believe that anybody who's genuine is not a bad person. I disagree. She may not be bad, but she's other things. Things i don't even want to talk about.
You think you've set yourself free, set me free. But i'm caged inside my head. I run and i run and run, but there's no getting out of the prison that my mind has become, churning with thoughts that are best left alone. I don't recognise who i am any more, all i see is a shell with organs doing their thing like a well-oiled machine.
Why? That's the only thing i keep going over and over in my head. It's happening again today. And it's difficult to get through.
