Things my body's trying to tell me. (And that i'm 'aciduously' ignoring.)

1. "Stop abusing me with things i cannot digest!"
2. "Slow down and smell the flowers, not the skunks who came into your life."
3. "I was burning with fever at 1 a.m, remember?"
4. "Hi, i am YOUR body, shouldn't you be keeping me in shape?"
5. "Did you know Mister Tummy has almost choked Monsieur Liver and Miss Pancreas out of existence, to conquer all terrritory 30 inches within his radius? If you don't watch out, he'll go out of hand soon. And out of your body."
6. "Don't show me movies like Hostel. That superpower sitting in your head sends funny signals to your bladder."
7. "I make loud, weird noises because i'm mad at you, not because i'm hungry."
8. "The joints need new bolts. Especially if you're going to leave them to rust for so long."
9. "I know you've got ear drums, but you don't need to be at them constantly."
10. "It's not me, it's you."