Reality Bites. (WARNING: Content Rating 'A')

My boss had an extraordinary complaint to voice the other day: she was eating peanuts when suddenly she dropped a few of them, and some of these fell right into the tee she was wearing. Her crib was, not a single one of them got stuck in there because she had such small...you know, she was a small size.

Sigh. Much as i try to tell her it isn't great having big *beep*s, she refuses to listen. I've encountered the same problem with most women i know. Trust me size 32s and 34s, it's not comfortable being big. Here's why:
1. Like it isn't enough that women are naturally catty towards other women, they are even more so about women with big *beep*s. They hate you for it. (On hindsight, this might be a good thing if you're straight.)
2. "Hi, I really like that black lace lingerie with that glittery bit woven into it. How much is it for?" Saleswoman looks you up and down... correction, looks you up and says, "I'm sorry Madam, 36B is the last size." Same problem everywhere.
3. Between a 34 and a 36/38/40, men will always go for the former to settle down in life with. It's a theory i'm working on - big *beep*s get so much credit primarily, perhaps only, because of porn. So i'm guessing that at some level, all men think that women with big *beep*s are 'loose' or 'easy'.
4. We are most happy when we go from a, let's say, 38B to a, let's say, 36DD.
5. Women with big *beep*s have a greater chance of dying in their sleep because of asphyxiation - try sleeping on your sides and have all that weight constrict your breathing, and you'll know what i'm talking about.
6. You have to stand in front of the mirror to see how your footwear looks on your feet. If you try bending over, chances are you'll get asphyxiated again.
7. Telephone wires sag when they expand. Ditto.
8. All that weight pulls us down, so we walk looking like we're dejected souls. Unless, of course, we find a man who will be an important part of our lives (briefly or more) and instill confidence in us with the words, "So what if you've got big *beep*s? Be proud of them, and show them off!"
9. Sometimes, we show our cleavage not to have women shoot daggers at us or men just shoot at us, but because hey, we need some air down there. All other times we show our cleavage just to have women shoot daggers at us.
10. Men who are lovers will say, "Hide them, they're mine." Men who are friends will say, "Oh my god, hide them, they're ugly! (And you're my FRIEND, for heaven's sake!)"