Some, like today, are difficult to get through.
The past comes back to haunt me occasionally and i end up thinking of you. Of her. I wonder what part of our conversations has been lies and what, the truth. I think about why i feel like you did things to show that i was going cuckoo in my head. That i was fabricating events and dialogues and situations. I think about why you lied. So much.
I hate her still. That hasn't changed, and it's not likely to. Maybe some day, i will be indifferent to her presence, but for now, there's a whole lot of negative emotion that wells up in me at the sight of her. Somehow, you believe that anybody who's genuine is not a bad person. I disagree. She may not be bad, but she's other things. Things i don't even want to talk about.
You think you've set yourself free, set me free. But i'm caged inside my head. I run and i run and run, but there's no getting out of the prison that my mind has become, churning with thoughts that are best left alone. I don't recognise who i am any more, all i see is a shell with organs doing their thing like a well-oiled machine.
Why? That's the only thing i keep going over and over in my head. It's happening again today. And it's difficult to get through.
4 comments:
oh go punch her. and then him for good measure.
i will hold your coat.
because i have enjoyed your writing. and it will make you feel better.
if you have not been clamped into jail by then that is.
Awww, Toinks, thanks muchly. Right now i'm trying to be the bigger person. So, i'm keeping my distance from her. :) But yes, one of these days i will punch her smug, too-innocent-to-be-true face!
ok. i can relate to this. even though i would like not to.
Haha. Well, this was long ago, and I don't live in that headspace any more. I'm all the better for having moved on. :)
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