Note to self.

All it takes is a moment of weakness. A moment of extreme vulnerability that you cannot fight, do not want to fight. And so you give in. You set aside the weeks and weeks of resistance, a tiny glimmer of light that there can be life beyond this - even if it's not the life you want - you set aside all of that and you take that step.

Somewhere deep down, you know it's probably not the right thing to do. But you WANT to do it. You believe that the weeks of resistance have earned you this little moment of letting your self-control slip. In fact, you believe you deserve it. And then, oh you poor delusional soul you, you believe that you can handle it.

Truth is, you can't. You can't deal with it. This was a mistake, you'll hear yourself say in your head. You'll let go and admit to being in love still, and with that you'll go right back to being hurt and feeling neglected and alone and desperate for attention from that one person who isn't giving it to you. There will be so many questions in your head, questions that run behind the answers you need, but you'll never ask them. Because you know that the answers you get are never going to be the one that satisfies you. In all likelihood, it'll just irritate and hurt you more.

You'll want him to open his eyes, to see, SEE, how easily you two fit together and slip into the normalcy of things. But he won't. Because he's him. And it's because he's him that you're so mad about him.

But you have to understand that it's also because he's him that you're in this state at all.

So yes, it really is easy to give in to weakness. But it won't do you any good, it'll never do you good. The why is simple, really. He doesn't want it.