It's a major slump in my state of being right now. It's anti-social time again. I don't want calls, i don't want e-mails, i don't want favours and i just don't want any bullshit. I need silence. Outside and within. I need my allergy to go away because if it doesn't, it just might push me to kill myself. I need to provide answers to a lot of questions. I need endings. I need to stop being so bitter, that feeling which seems to have flooded over the boundaries of sanity and taken control of my senses.

I wish for love. I wish for peace. I wish things weren't so complicated, and maybe they aren't.

I wish i didn't feel like bawling my eyes out or wanting to bitchslap most people around me. I wish people would stop pretending. Stop believing that everything's okay. I wish they would shove their attitudes, egos, hangups and deceits up their asses. I wish they could be more decisive. Stop fucking around. Stop screwing everybody up.

Today, i feel miserable. More miserable than i did yesterday. Today, i feel like a piece of shit. A waste of God's efforts, like A Guidebook To What You Shouldn't Be.

Today, i feel vulnerable, in need of some warmth. And maybe somebody to hold me like they'll never let me go, that their world begins and ends with me, that i'm everything to them, as i cry in their embrace.