If you escaped a flood on St.Mark's Road the morning of Saturday the 12th, you're lucky. I'd drooled all over the place on Friday night after seeing the H2 zoom by menacingly. Yes. The H2. Hummer for the senile, demented or plain stupid.
After a completely pakau day at work, i had a brilliant spark of spontaneity - let's go for a movie! (So i'm excited about seeing the big screen after months of poverty, so what?) So we went for a 10 'o' clock show of...ummm, Krazzy 4. I'm not going to apologise or get defensive about watching the movie because i laughed a little for the first half. We had plenty of time to kill before the movie, so we ordered in plenty of Breezers from downstairs and glugged away. I had mine like i had Bailey's long ago - in one shot. (It isn't that i'm an unofficial member of Alcoholics Anonymous or something, it's just that the flavour was a horrid Blueberry that seemed like Harpic diluted with sweetener and soda.) After which, i did exceptionally well at the Brain Game on Facebook - i even beat my boss' score!
A got jittery, so we left, reached Inox, stuffed our faces, finished the movie and were on our way back home when i saw it. At first i saw a looming shadow with bright headlights for eyes, and then it emerged in all its splendour - a sleek and shiny H2 purring like a wildcat waiting for its prey. Its road presence is unbelievable - all that horsepower waiting to be unleashed on the unsuspecting puny Sumo or Scorpio that dares to cross its way. I can't even begin to imagine what it could do to a good old Maruti 800.
The Hummer stayed with us for a while - i got high ogling at it for a whole kilometre. I think by the end of the journey home, A would have been happy to give me to the aliens because of the number of times i'd said "Oh. My. God." in this incredulous voice, squirming in the car seat to get a good look at it from every angle possible.
Obviously, after it passed, neither A nor I could stop talking about it. I remembered a story of some bigshot in Bangalore who got a Hummer to India, but had to pay shitloads on taxes and stuff to let it run on the roads; by the end of which, i think he just about gave up on ever driving it around. So i ventured to ask A, "How much do you think it would cost, inclusive of taxes and all that jazz?"
"2 crores, souped up and taxes paid", he replied calmly, shrugging the amount off like he would a speck of dirt on his tee.
I don't know how i got back home. I'd fainted by the time the inverted commas on his reply were in place.
Oh, and that night Murphy's Nth Law came into place, all tried and tested: The sexier the car, the uglier the driver.
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