WHAT?

I've been intending to say a few things for a while. In two minds about whether i should or not, because the minute it's out there, it makes it very real. But i want to. Because i am frusfuckingtrated.

Why?

Because i turned 30 in January, and i'm in no better state mentally than i was when i was 23.

Two days after my birthday, my grandmother passed away.

I miss her a lot. There's a big gaping hole in my life where she used to be.

A week before that, i got to know that i was being 'redeployed' from my current job. We all know what that means.

Two weeks after my birthday, Achilles' Heel tells me that he feels our 'connection' isn't strong enough anymore, and that he's felt that way for a couple of years. He thinks i'm suffocating, judgmental, opinionated and perhaps not the best candidate for a life together.

The pressure of marriage is now flowing from all corners.

... I'm screwed from all sides.

So if i'm snapping, biting heads off, frustrated, constantly emotionally volatile, breaking into tears at the drop of a hat, clamming up, depressed, uninterested... please, go find someone else to play with while i get alright.

I'm in no mood for grief from anyone right now. Grief, questions, attitude problems or sympathy.

And yes, i just want to cry. And cry and cry and cry and cry and keep crying till i can't cry any more ever. So what? What the bloody hell is wrong with that?