So...

"Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life...You give them a piece of you. They didn't ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like 'maybe we should be just friends' turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. I hate love."

Neil Gaiman, a man after my own heart. That's exactly how i felt when the Boy happened to me. It still hurts sometimes.

Speaking of pain, my bestest soulmatest friend lost his father 13 days ago. I ran as fast as i could, stayed as long as i could. What i couldn't do is make it better for him. I wish people were bestowed with that power, though; the power to make things better for those who are dear to them.

I also couldn't stop thinking about why it was that i never interacted with his father too much. With anybody in his family, for that matter. I mean, i've met parents of all my friends and get along with them pretty fine, pull their leg and kid around and visit them and pamper them sometimes, but i can never say that about his parents. Somehow, i think that if i did have the opportunity to get to know his dad, i would've constantly been reminded of mine, and his going away would have been more painful and scary.

Anyway, it's over now. And all i can hope is for his father to be in a nicer place and at more peace, and for him to have the courage to let go and not hold it all back.

Fingers crossed.